Feb 4

Written by:
2/4/2009 9:06 AM 

I am blessed. I know this. I have a phenomenal family, a pretty decent home, a car that gets me where I need to go (and it sounds COOL, too), I have a tremendous church family, and I have about as secure a job as one can have these days. All blessings from a God whom I can say is not only my God, but He's my Lord, Savior, and Friend. I know I'm blessed.

So why am I discontent? I'm reluctant to admit this in this public forum. It reveals what might be considered an ungrateful spirit in me. Believe me when I say that I understand the absolute fear that comes with unemployment. Our family has not been immune to lay-offs and seriously scarce finances. I know the psychological as well as the financial toll it takes on a person and a family. We've been there. I would prefer not to go back there again. Yet, I admit here in this public forum...I do not like my job.

It's not all bad. For the most part, the people I work with directly are pretty good people. We get along quite well, with the few minor disagreements that are inevitable with a diverse group as this. But, all-in-all, I do like who I work with. I also have the great benefit of fairly flexible time off. I can take leave pretty much when I need to. My hours are great. (I know many of you would hate to have to get up as early as I do, but I am out of work by 3:30 which is perfect for a family with kids still in school.)

So, you are probably asking yourself, "Why then, don't you like your job?"  Well, there are plenty of day to day reasons, such as unreasonable deadlines, redundant reports, micromanagement, major politics, and pressure alternating with boredom. These may be symptoms that could be found in most administrative jobs. I may not be alone in my irritation here. I think, though, that my discontent lies deeper than the office itself. It may be that my current occupation does not mesh with what God created me to be and do.

I believe that God has created each of us with a purpose; a gift for being or doing something. When we are not fulfilling that purpose, I believe discontent sets in. Little irritations turn into major conflicts. Life seems a bit...disjointed. This is not to say that I think it's time for me to turn in my resignation. God gave me a brain and I do know how to use it, contrary to what some may believe! My family depends on me to help pay for the things that we need. God has provided me with a job that is secure and steady in a time of much uncertainty. I would not be so ungrateful as to throw that away just because I'm not comfortable.

But I do think that this wanderlust might be God telling me that I need to keep in His word and keep praying for His direction. I need to keep my eyes open for the possibilities. I need to TRUST Him to guide me where He needs me to be. I guess this goes along with the passage we've been reading in our worship gatherings, "For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord. If He has plans for me, I guess I can accept some discontent because I know that God's plans are better than mine. So, for today He needs me to be here...at my desk...finishing that Performance Standards manual I'm supposed to be working on.

In the mean time, I will be working very hard at trusting God and thanking Him for his provision. I will also be keeping my eyes open for the day when God says, "There it is. That's what I've had planned for you all along. Now is the time!"