Autophobia (look it up)
Jun
1
Written by:
6/1/2010 11:42 AM
I have been blessed with a pretty healthy immune system. I just don’t get sick very often. Unfortunately, during those rare times when I do get sick it usually hits me like a freight train. Last week I developed some sort of sinus infection that has forced me to slow down way more than I’m comfortable with. Physically, I know why I got it. I’ve been under some stress lately, and I’m sure my body just finally put up the white flag and surrendered to the first bug that came around just so I would be forced to pull back a bit. I don’t like being sick.
So, in my “down” time I’ve had a lot of opportunities for reflection. My thoughts lately have really focused on fear. We all have some level of fear. My daughter is afraid of snakes. My son is afraid of spiders. I have my fair share of fears (heights, mountain driving, frogs.) I do NOT have a fear of speaking in front of crowds (big surprise, huh?) I guess that is one of the top ten of fears that people have. No, I have one BIG fear that overshadows all of my other fears. My fear is being alone.
“Really?” (You might think.)
“How could someone who has spent the last (almost) 20 years living in a household of anywhere from three to eight people not CRAVE some alone time???”
Oh, believe me…the few golden hours of solitude that I have had over those 20 years have been rare treasures that I have cherished. But, I’m not talking about that sort of “alone.” I’m talking about deep abandonment where no one really cares to take the time to know you. I’m talking about day after day of no true, intimate contact. I’m talking about the gut wrenching silence that permeates not only the walls of the house, but sinks deep into one’s own heart. Total separation. That, my friends, scares the living daylights outta me.
As I think about this fear of mine, if I allow myself to be carried away by it, I can easily be driven into a panic attack. Notice, though, that I said “If I allow myself to be carried away” because that’s truly the point. Where does my mind go when I feel afraid? God says a lot about fear in His word:
-2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
-1 John 4:18 There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. (the Message)
-Isaiah 41:10 Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. (the Message)
-Matthew 10:31 So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows
-Psalm 56:11 In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
OK, so I’m not going to sit here and write that if you just think real good thoughts, the fear will go away. Sorry…I’ve tried that...didn't work...thanks for playing. But, the point I’m trying to make is that God understands that we will have fear. He wants us to remember that when we face that fear, He is there upholding us, valuing us, loving us, empowering us, and strengthening us more than we can even understand at the time. He asks us to remember Him and what He does for us during the times we are afraid. By looking to Him, we are less able to focus our minds on the fear. There just isn’t room in our brains for both God and fear. Given the two, God wins every time. So, we may still feel afraid, but we have something better to focus on and eventually we are no longer allowing ourselves to be carried away by the fear.
I’m sure some Christian therapists could do a better job with this topic. I don’t have all the answers. Obviously, I still need to work on the whole fear
thing. When I get it perfected…I’ll let you all know. Guess that’ll keep you reading my blog for a long, long time!
