Aug 19

Written by:
8/19/2010 10:21 AM 

I believe life’s too short to continue doing a lot of things that we all do on a routine basis.  You know what I mean?  Things like continuing with bad habits, continuing with self-destructive behavior, continuing with toxic relationships.  But what’s really struck me over the past couple of weeks is how often we continue to refrain from showing love and affection for one another.  I don’t mean just the obvious—a kiss goodbye in the morning or the remembered birthday card.  Those are pretty easy, frankly.  I’m talking about expressing genuine love—even in the difficult moments.

I hate shopping at Meijers these days.  The installation of the self-checkouts has created one more opportunity for people to be rude.  When I shop, I’m usually alone and I have a large list to fill.  Often, I’ll forego the self-checkout and find a real person.  But occasionally I’ll delve into the process on my own.  Inevitably, someone will get in line behind me.  Immediately, I feel the need to hurry.  They’re waiting to take care of their groceries, and I can’t seem to get the stupid yogurt to scan!  It’s too much pressure!  But, my efforts to be considerate and hurry are rarely met with any sort of appreciation.  Usually what happens is when I have completed the scanning and paying for my groceries, and I have made my way down to the end to begin bagging, I’ll suddenly see a barrage of groceries I didn’t select, coming down the belt.  I guess my bagging skills are not fast enough for others.  No one can wait the extra 5 minutes for me to finish my work.  It irritates me. 

 

The other day I was in Meijers, fully on the defensive—ready to pounce on the first person who would attempt to push me along faster during checkout than I was willing to go.  The poor unsuspecting woman behind me had no idea who she’d be messing with if she tried. As I put the frozen pizza in one of those “I’m-ashamed-to admit-I-use” plastic bags, the side and handle ripped, sending the pizzas back on the conveyor.  Before I could do anything, this woman (who I had been preparing to brawl moments earlier) was handing me a new bag.  “Here, let’s try double bagging that” she said kindly. 

 

I’m pretty sure my bottom lip trembled.  Were those TEARS in my eyes?  I’m in Meijer’s for goodness sake!  There’s no CRYING in Meijers! 

 

She got another cart and put it at the end of the conveyor.  “Would that be in your way if I left it there?” she asked me.  I barely made out a “No, not at all” past the lump in my throat.  I collected my pathetic, shamed self and said, “Honestly, I don’t often run into people that aren’t rude here.  It’s refreshing to meet someone that’s nice.”  (Disclaimer: I am in no way making a statement about Meijer’s employees.  This is only a reflection on the other customers that I have had experiences with!)   This angel of a shopper said, “Oh, I figure that if I’m going to come to Meijer’s on a Saturday, I’d better just learn to be patient.”  I think my eyes misted again. (You’d think that by this point she’d be a little concerned about the obviously unstable red-head she was talking with, but she indicated no fear.  Remarkable.)

 

Upon leaving that scene, I made my way out to my car through the parking lot.  I saw a cute older woman, probably late 60’s, early 70’s walking to her car with what appeared to be her 13-ish granddaughter.  How cute, I thought.  Shopping with grandma!  Suddenly, as if to shatter this Hallmark moment, the grandma said to the young girl, “You sure look grumpy today.  Don’t you talk back to me!  I don’t need your attitude!  You can forget about having any friends around!”  Now, anyone that has teenage daughters knows that they can be a bit…trying…at times.  But the tone of the words coming out of this grandmother’s mouth was so harsh, I was completely taken back.  The girl didn’t appear to be talking back.  She sullenly took the cart and walked it over to the corral while grandma continued to mutter contempt and irritation.  Wow.  A total stranger showed more kindness to me than this grandmother did to her own granddaughter.

 

Let me flash forward a little.  I found myself recently telling someone “no wonder I like you.”  That wasn’t what I wanted to say.  I wanted to say “no wonder I love you!” but fear of rejection stopped me from expressing what I should have said.  I regret not being honest. It was a lost opportunity. As I said before…life’s too short. 

 

I had the pleasure yesterday of seeing a co-worker who retired a few years ago.  I haven’t seen him in quite a while.  It was totally enjoyable talking with him again.  When he left, he gave me one of those hugs that you just don’t soon forget.  It totally expressed love and appreciation.  Why is it that someone I haven’t been close to for a very long time is so comfortable expressing love, yet I am unable to express love to someone I’ve known for years?  Life’s too short.

 

I’m going to try to do better.  None of us knows what tomorrow will bring and I don’t want it to come and go without keeping it real.  No illusions...no fear...no regrets.  Hopefully, I won't miss another chance like that again.