Jun 13

Written by:
6/13/2011 1:55 PM 

The last few blog entries I’ve written have been fairly negative.  I’m uncomfortable with leaving it like that for long.  The following is something that God laid on my heart over the last week, and I have to share it.

I have been a Christian as long as I can remember. When I was very young, my family went to church twice on Sunday.  I attended Sunday school every week. I am a graduate of the Kalamazoo Christian School system.  I have a Bachelor’s Degree from Calvin College.  I have been a member of the Reformed Church in America (RCA) since 1982 when I made public profession of faith at Haven Reformed Church. I am fairly fluent in Heidelberg Catechism, the Apostle’s Creed, and Calvin’s Institutes.  My bible is marked up (including many handwritten notes in the back pages.) I have bookshelves of devotionals. Stand in awe of my vast wealth of spiritual knowledge!

 

Yeah, right.  I am not even close to understanding God.

 

I think there are times that God gets a kick out of showing someone like me something new.  The hazard of a lifetime of Christian education is that faith can become routine and boring. God is reduced to a quick morning prayer, Jesus is only found in the red letters of the bible, and the Holy Spirit is on permanent vacation.

 

That is, until God stirs things up a bit.

 

I have no problem sharing my recent struggles.  Having gone through a major change in my personal life over the last year, I have been trying to answer the “Now what?” dilemma.  I have pretty strong dreams and desires.  I’m ready to dive right in, but I want to do this right.  I want God’s timing, not mine.  In the past, I have made things happen on my own, and then looked for God’s approval. Often those things ended up failing. So, I am totally committed to God’s leading for the “Now what?”  But instead of giving me my instructions, He’s told me to wait. Do nothing.  Let Him work on the other side of things.  I confess this is hard for me!  The silence, the down time, the lack of forward progress…frustrates me.  There are days that I get extremely doubtful.  I question whether God is truly at work and I question whether I should just give up on my dreams.

 

I have read the story of Abraham a bazillion times. (See the blog entry from 11.7.10 where I focused on Sarah's side of the story.) He spent his lifetime holding on to the dream of having a son.  God told him it would happen…he just needed to be patient.  Abraham waited, but not completely patiently.  He “helped” God a bit and had a son, Ishmael, through his wife’s servant, Hagar. (Oh, Abraham, I can SO relate to you, buddy!) God said, “Nice try, but I got this one on my own. Ishmael is not the son I’ve promised you.”  Eventually God came through and Abraham had a son through his wife.  All was wonderful.  That is, until God said, “I want you to sacrifice your son.”  I have always interpreted this story as an example of God asking us to be willing to give up anything for Him; that we should be willing to give up our deepest desires for Him.  But that was always hard for me to swallow.  Why would God do such a thing? Why would He fulfill a dream, only to take it away?  It just didn’t make sense.

 

But God showed this know-it-all Christian something new (as only He can do.)

 

As I wait in this place in my life for the “Now what?” to happen, I’ve asked God, “Am I supposed to give up on my dreams?  Is that what you want me to do?  Should I be willing to sacrifice the desires that I have—those things that I know are NOT in conflict with Your word?  I admit…I’m not sure I am willing to let go of those things. I believed You said this will happen, and now are you asking me to sacrifice it—kill it off—just to prove that I love you more?” 

 

God said “No.”

 

He showed me that never once while Abraham was waiting for his dream to become reality, did God ask him to give it up.  In fact, God told him it WOULD happen…that He had it under control, and that Abraham just needed to wait. Additionally, when looking even closer at this story, we can see that God didn’t ask Abraham to sacrifice Isaac until after he was born. (Most scholars estimate that Isaac may have even been older than 10 years old when this happened.)  So, it doesn’t make sense that this was a story of God asking Abraham to give up on his dream.  His dreams had already been fulfilled by this time. 

 

What this seems (to me) to be a story about is obedience.  God wasn’t asking him to give up on a dream.  God was asking Abraham to be obedient—even in the face of doing something exceptionally hard. When Abraham did exactly what God was asking, God provided abundantly. 

 

So after all of these years of Christian instruction, I humbly admit that I STILL discover new things about God.  I do not fully understand Him by any stretch.  But how cool is it that even at my age I am still learning new things about Him?  And He’s telling me to hold on to the dreams He’s given me.  He’s got them under control.  All He wants from any of us is to be obedient.  He’s already working on the other side of things.