Oct 30

Written by:
10/30/2008 8:42 AM 

This blog is meant to help me to find God in my everyday life. Here's a big confession: Sometimes...I can't find God.

I have not had the best of weeks. In fact, it's been pretty miserable and I admit--I should have invested in the Kleenex corporation. I can't imagine their business is suffering in this economy. I've certainly done my best to keep them going.

In times like this it's very difficult to find God. It's not that I don't know He's there. It's just that I am not able to see him. It's as if my emotions have several hands and they've covered my eyes to His creation; they've covered my ears to the comforting words He's provided through His word and through other people; they've covered my mouth so that all that comes out is a muffled "help me."  Those same arms hold down my own so that reaching up to Him isn't an option. I haven't got the strength to lift them. This is sounding depressing, but hang with me here folks. There is a point coming.

God is always here. He always cares. He always loves. Because I am unable to perceive it because of overwhelming emotion does not mean that He is not there. It simply means that I am suffering from temporary emotional and spiritual paralysis. Just as an accident victim who is unconscious may not perceive the help he is receiving from IV's, Doctors, medications, and loved ones, I am unable to tangibly perceive God's presence. But like that patient, my help is always there regardless of my ability to see it.

What I was able to perceive is the people God sent to me. People who provided me with support--even when they didn't know that's what they were doing. The prayers that were lifted while I was unable to pray, the cheerful emails, the distractions, the phone calls...every one of them provided me with just one more minute that I was able to keep breathing and keep moving forward. When I couldn't pray, others did it for me. That's a miracle. And today, my day is not perfect. The things that broke my spirit are not gone. But...today I am able to see again. I am able to hear again. I am able to speak again. And I am able to lift my hands again.

I didn't find God this week.

He found me.